Autism, Vaccines and Opening Closed Minds, Including my Own


* Cast Your Net *

I was 18 in 1988 when I got my first and last flu vaccination.

But it was way back in 1938 when Jonas Salk and Thomas Francis developed the first vaccine against flu viruses. It was used to protect the U.S. military forces against the flu during World War II. Dr. Salk later used his experience with influenza vaccine to develop an effective polio vaccine in 1952. Extraordinary and life changing for so many people.

Emergency polio ward at Haynes Memorial Hospital in Boston, Ma. Aug. 16, 1955

Emergency polio ward at Haynes Memorial Hospital in Boston, Ma. Aug. 16, 1955

The sickness that hit me just days after the shot was unlike any I had ever experienced. When my fever wouldn’t break after 3 days and hit 104ºC my Grandparents called the Family Doctor and he came to the house to see me. There was talk that I may have had a convulsion (seizure) as a result but no one was totally sure. Incoherent, eyes rolling around in my head, weak, he decided that after trying a few more things I would be hospitalized if the fever didn’t break.

But it broke and so did a piece of me for a long time.

I became far more afraid of what might have been in that needle than I was of the serious flu that I had just experienced. Fear had taken a hold and once fear gets a hold of you it is nearly impossible to shake.

I get it – I really, really do. I get it more than most.  I’ve been vocally anti-vaccination in the past. As you read on you’ll see why. But you’ll also see that life has handed me some contrasting and difficult experiences to force me to look deeper into all of this.

In the early 1990‘s there was a mass education and vaccination program for Hepatitis here in Nova Scotia. I went back and forth about it in my head and heart for a long time but in the end I decided to do it. No bad results and my trust had buoyed back up from being so low about my experiences and misunderstandings about the flu shot.

That trust took me and my first puppy to the vet to get all of her shots a few years later. Up until she was 6 years old I did as I was instructed by my Vet. Then she got very sick. She developed vaccinosis from her distemper vaccine. She spent the 2nd half of her life with a lot of issues.

And just like that, I was done. The trust regained from the Hepatitis vaccine gone, and it was replaced with deep anger and fear. I don’t have children but I had handed my heart over to my dog in a way that I hadn’t with any other human and I was angry.

So a toxic stew of anger and fear set me on a journey to validate my anger and fear.

I came online and found others who felt like I did. Others who felt betrayed somehow by science, even though we haven’t been at all. Others who questioned the ingredients, the frequency, the science of it like we had all gotten microbiology degrees to give us the guts to do that! We had, we shouted! We spent countless hours reading, talking to others. We read everything we could find.

Except we didn’t, did we?

We succumbed to many fears. One huge, not seeming-to-go-away-yet fear was grown in our hearts by a woman who can’t decide if her son is even Autistic or not. She was given a platform by a woman who should have known better. Neither will get a link here, nor their names mentioned.

Let’s come forward to today for a moment – A radio interview I listened to that years ago would have made me angry and I would have shut it off highlights this lie that we surrounded ourselves in. The one that lets enough science in to shut down the science of another. The one that dismisses scientific fact over anecdotal evidence. You know why? Because it’s head versus heart. Logic versus emotion.

The link to the interview which really is a must listen to, will be at the end of the entry.

Armed with so many emotional facts I started to feel confident in my arguments. They started to sound real to me. The “buts” and “what ifs” which are good tools for critical thinking, had somehow suspended my ability to do so!


I rejected allopathic (conventional western) medicine for a decade after that. I had no family physician. Anything that a MD wanted people to take was suspicious to me.

Any time I waded into good science based websites the confusing terminology made me frustrated and I’d leave before being properly educated. Or what I was reading was challenging my stubborn, fear based beliefs and I’d close the page and find comfort in something that supported them. Once emotion becomes part of the equation for our health, we start feeling like Doctors are cold and don’t really care. Science won’t hold your hand but people need and want that sometimes.

Science needs to step its game up that way if we are going to fix this rift. It has to allow for the feelings and the gut instincts of those it serves.

In late 2011/ early 2012 these worlds all collided for me and have led me to here. I had a seizure in 2011 but my deep mistrust coupled with severely needed mental health care kept me from getting help and those in my life didn’t get it for me either. So I had another in 2012 and back into the world of Western medicine I went with a bang. Many fears had to be faced then.

What resulted was being diagnosed with Epilepsy and having an incorrect diagnoses of Manic Depression (Bipolar) in the 1980‘s corrected to Autism.

I was thrust into a world I was not prepared enough for but one that was and is schooling me. Don’t be afraid to be schooled, please. Especially when it involves the health of those you love, and the greater population too. We can’t afford to micro focus these issues. Our actions do effect those around us and that fans out in ways we can’t control.

The greater population. Humanity. We are more than what is in front of us. The internet gives us an idea of that but most still have only the small view of their immediate world. Many parts of this planet still live in abject poverty, with diseases that we have no clue about. Billions of us live in parts of this world that are underdeveloped according to the standards we know here in Canada. A friend talked to me about how women will carry their children hundreds of miles in conditions we can’t fathom, all for the chance to get a vaccine that we have rejected to the point of it becoming a problem that was once under control. They face being attacked by both animals and men alike. They do it for a chance to give their children a life that we have, well had – it’s eroding.

A vaccine like MMR (Measles Mumps Rubella) that people with actual working brains in their heads are so afraid of their children turning into someone like me, an Autistic person, that they would rather them face the 2 in a 1000 odds of dying from measles (link)

Some facts from above link:

As many as one out of every 20 children with measles gets pneumonia, the most common cause of death from measles in young children.

  • About one child out of every 1,000 who get measles will develop encephalitis (swelling of the brain) that can lead to convulsions and can leave the child deaf or mentally retarded.

  • For every 1,000 children who get measles, one or two will die from it.

    Then there’s this:

    Subacute sclerosing panencephalitis (SSPE) is a very rare, but fatal disease of the central nervous system that results from a measles virus infection acquired earlier in life. SSPE generally develops 7 to 10 years after a person has measles, even though the person seems to have fully recovered from the illness.”

If you are going to turn anecdotal evidence into fact, then you also have to take the facts into consideration. Healthy people making illogical choices for themselves and their children affects the most vulnerable of society. It effects immune compromised persons and the single biggest scapegoats of this anti-vaxx movement are the Autism community.

I finally had to face my ignorance head on when I found myself being described in ways that just were not true. Autism education and acceptance lead me to a complete understanding that being Autistic has nothing to do with vaccines. When I stopped being afraid to look at the science, to not let the big words deter me it all started to make sense. When I saw that the findings were just not true and that Dr. Andrew Wakefield’s licence had been taken, I knew I had let fear control me for too long.

No matter what though we can’t seem to shake the lie that vaccines cause Autism. Even though we have existed long before vaccines. Even though I’m telling you so. Even as my peers, myself, and those who love and support us express how much this us hurting us? Countless others have had no vaccines at all and were still revealed to be Autistic.

Still not enough?  How about No Thimerosal was ever in the MMR (Measles Mumps Rubella) vaccine in Canada. Bet you didn’t realise that.  Don’t parrot others fears. Fact check.

So now I’m trying to help undo the damage I may have caused in the past to myself and to my larger Autism Community. I owe you the biggest apology of all. I’m sorry. Now I lend my space here online, my voice where I can, my time, to correcting this.

It is not okay to use my neurology to scare people any more. If you are afraid it’s okay to say so but it’s not okay continuing to hurt others when you are shown facts and reason. Those afraid of their children somehow becoming autistic due to things they don’t understand are themselves acting in ways that they fear about Autism, ironically. The lie that we are unreachable, that we don’t care about society, that we have no empathy – anti-vaxxers are the ones displaying these traits in their actions while hiding behind the neurology of others.

It’s ugly, okay? We need you to stop now because it is hurting us and creating fear where there should be acceptance and understanding. Vaccines do not cause Autism. Vaccines overwhelmingly protect us and those they can’t protect, the strong in society protect by being responsible.

Whatever choices you feel are necessary to make regarding vaccinating your children, please make them without the fear of Autism. Let that big fear go and you’ll feel a lot better, and so will we.

2 VERY important links:

1. (LINKAnna Maria Tremonti, host of CBC’s “Canada’s Most Listened-to Radio ProgramThe Current pulls NO punches in this must listen to Interview called, “Vaccinations: Pro and Anti-Vaxxer parents make their cases”  Here’s another LINK to the show if there’s any problems with the other one.

2. (LINKShannon Des Roches Rosa is the senior editor of and she has been a source of great support for myself and the Autism community.  When I had to turn down a TV Interview about this subject because I didn’t have transportation and then I read Shannon’s heartfelt, honest article I felt like I had to get this all down to be part of the growing voice and offer my support and experience.

Thank you Shannon! Your words and dedication are making a difference.

I’ll leave the last words to Chief Seattle. A quote I’ve carried from computer to computer for about 16 years.


* Cast Your Net *


Cast Your Net


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7 thoughts on “Autism, Vaccines and Opening Closed Minds, Including my Own

  1. Pingback: The Vaccine Myth Hurts Autistic Acceptance | Echoes of Mermaids

    • Hi Christine – welcome to “Echoes of Mermaids”

      I’m sorry you can’t let go of this falsehood. Autism is a difference in brain wiring. It is not the result of damage. We aren’t broken, or missing or harmed – just have brains that work different than those who are neurotypical.

      I’m happy to let you know that the supposed real link they found was overturned and disproved yet again. It will be again and again and again just as it is every single time. What is it about Autism that makes you need or want to link it to damage? Where has that bias come from in you?

      I implore you to actually read the link and follow the links in the article. Stop with the “what ifs” because that just hurting Autistic people and I’m guessing that you don’t really want to do that.

      Vaccines do not cause Autism. Autism is a difference in brain wiring. Thank you so much for commenting, it means I have the opportunity to educate. Take care.

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