Unencumbered Forgiveness

I’ve not gotten to walk unencumbered on bare ground for over 2 months now and neither have my dogs. That’s 2 months of not being able to physically “ground” myself. I was long past due.

So, I thought, what can I do about this?

And then it hit me, silly Pisces girl – go to the sea dear one, go to the sea.

electricocean

So Alice, Chloe and I did just that.

But before we got there I needed to make a stop – I needed a memory card for my beloved Pentax. I bought the wrong kind before, but that turned out to be the Universe guiding me, I just hadn’t see it yet.

Oh yes, those full circle moments I love so much, even when they hurt.

I was headed to Walmart — pocketbook, distance and time dictated it but my heart was screaming – “go to the Superstore” and so that’s where the car pulled into. I bought a card, far more expensive then I needed to spend. I walked to the car and my head should have been on the task at hand but I wondered, “why did I come here?

Charlie – that’s why.

Got your crew with you too” said a totally unassuming 65+ year old bearded man, and he gestured to the back of his car and then to mine.

Dogs – the beginning of many a conversation in my life.

We talked for over a half hour. That’s how it works with me. Hundreds pass by unnoticed till I find the people I need to and they find me too – it’s one of the best things about being Autistic and having the mind I do. I live in a very special world that exists within yours and you can’t see – but I can.

We spoke of many things as like minded spirits do. Good things, like dogs and farming and simpler lives and bad things. He told me he is dying of cancer, and I could see it even before he told me. I could hear it, smell it, taste it. He eyes filled with tears as he said the words. I turned to get my camera bag, taking the distraction as a way to make sure I got this right.

there’s nothing can be done to fight it” he said

but you’ve not given up” I stated,

no

I pointed up the hill to the Hospital I was in 3 years ago, told him what I fought back from. 50% chance of waking up and a 25% chance of being able to live any sort of productive life.

Believe” I told him. ( Be Live )

alice_hatter

Just before we parted ways I told him something very personal about my self and the situation I am in and he said,

You cannot give forgiveness, without accepting it first

And that’sexactly why I pulled into the parking lot, that’s it exactly – to hear that.

I put my hand on his shoulder before I left, not something I would normally do. I don’t touch people because I don’t like being touched. But I needed my energy to touch his in this way, for him to know just how much this encounter meant. That I heard him.

He was so warm to the touch – the deepest blue I ever seen.

Then my pups and I headed to the beach.

We walked unencumbered on sand as solid as ground. We let the salt air smudge away the winter. We breathed it in until we felt okay again. I let that ↓ idea roll around and around in my head and heart.

You cannot give forgiveness, without accepting it first

These full circle moments are breathtaking. I feel truly sorry for those who can’t see them or experience them – life is so much more than you are seeing in front of you – you have no idea.

But I can help with that through my words and experiences and sharing them in various ways.  Don’t be afraid of the words I use to describe and decipher myself. Let me truly embrace them because when I do I can share in ways like I am now and you get to see places you might never see, like in my pictures (4) below ↓ from the first Spring Beach walk of many for 2015!

If you click on each picture it open in a new tab and I think you can even comment on them?!

Blessed Be!

All Rights Reserved

 

Alice March 25th 2015

My Alice by her beloved Ocean a deep love we share

My Chloe  The woods are more her style but she's happy to run free!

My Chloe
The woods are more her style but she’s happy to run free!

Water meets sand and creates music for those listening

Water meets sand and creates music for those listening